Order Only - Private message to Harry and Justin

[alt_draco]

Hey-

There's something I've been wondering, and you two are the best people I can ask, because I know you're both sentimental about Sirius for different (albeit related) reasons.

Ellie leaped in front of Sirius so he could live, and near as I can tell, that's the only reason he's here now.

Are you glad about that? I mean, I know you aren't happy Ellie's dead, obviously, but when it comes right down to it, would you rather she be dead and Sirius be alive, instead of the reverse?

Comments

[alt_justin]

Someone who cared for Ellie, you mean. I don't know. One of the worst parts of her death is that I don't think she ever had a chance to develop that sort of attachment. I suppose it's possible that someone who frequented the garden harboured feelings for her, or someone in the Order. But no, old chap, I can't say I know if there was anyone special.

That's not to say that Sirius himself isn't feeling well horrid about it. He mentioned 'abandoning' the others to their fates. I'm sure it's because he believes he ought to have been able to save her, or save any of them, what.

In any case, yes, it's entirely true that he's made himself a lightning rod. If he had died, the whole country would feel the loss, one way or the other. Ellie was a sweet, clever young woman, and it's terrible that her life was cut short, but she wasn't a figure of the revolution of anything like Sirius's magnitude.

It's not rubbish, what, it's quite natural to wonder 'what if' after something like this.

-Justin

[alt_draco]

She was also a muggleborn. I mean, we're doing this all for them, right? For people like you and Hermione and Terry. And yet a pureblood, born to one of the most important pureblood families in all of England, is the figure of the revolution. Alice, also a pureblood, is head of the Order.

Sometimes I guess it seems a bit naff that purebloods are running the revolution. I don't know how else it could be done but it seems naff just the same.

[alt_justin]

Whites from the north of America were the ones who formed the Abolitionist movement in the United States. There were some freed slaves in their ranks but no one would bally well listen to them without the weight of their white compatriots.

It's the nature of revolution that it relies on some measure of goodwill from the enlightened among the class which is oppressing the others. The alternatives are examples from Muggle history such as the Russian revolution, the French Revolution and the Chinese Communist Revolution--all of which were jolly well bloody, and directly destructive to the former ruling class. Our people don't wish to go about beheading every pureblood wizard who ever raised a wand, what. We're trying to minimise the damage. I daresay that wouldn't be the case if we were all Muggleborn.

What's naff is that we make any sort of distinction about where one's magic originated. Instead of looking at what sort of families our leaders and heroes came from, what, look at what they've chosen to do. Sirius eschewed his family's beliefs about purity to become best friends with a halfblood and werewolf. He's put his life on the line, helped supply the Order, rescued children and Muggles and Muggleborn and continually reminds the public that the Protectorate fosters all sorts of ills which must be corrected. Mrs Longbottom was an Auror who has devoted her life to raising a new generation of children who will grow up without any sort of distinction made between purebloods or muggleborn, who will learn magic and eventually either join the cause or enjoy the freedoms we've helped to win for them. She's not doing that because she's a pureblood who feels guilty about being a pureblood, what. She's doing that because she believes it's the right thing to do.

I suggest that if you want to stop the 'naff' distinction that purebloods are somehow handing equality to muggleborns, you could start by not dwelling so much on who is or isn't a pureblood.

-Justin

[alt_draco]

Cheers for the history lesson, Binns.

If I'm still dwelling on it it's because everyone else is. I thought when I died I could finally forget about that stuff, but Sarah, even some of the other kids at Moddey... they act like I'm more important than them somehow, and I doubt it's because I 'eschewed my family's beliefs.' I mean, good for me and Sirius for being basically decent.

I know no one's expendable, like Harry said. But be honest: if you were in a situation where you could only save one of them, would it be Sirius or Hydra?

[alt_justin]

Sorry, old man. I spent the first ten years or so of my life doing bally well nothing but reading. It does tend to colour one's conversation.

If I could only save one, it would be Hydra, of course. But I also know Sirius would support that choice, what. But if I could save them both by sacrificing myself, I hope I would choose to do that, instead.

-Justin

[alt_draco]

You certainly arrived at a very tidy conclusion, with little fuss or muss. How'd you manage that?

[alt_justin]

Some choices are clearer than others, what. I said there were certain exceptions.

-Justin

Private Message to Draco

[alt_justin]

Sarah treats you as if you're more important because you're a pureblood?

-Justin

Re: Private Message to Draco

[alt_draco]

Yeah. She pretends so hard that it doesn't matter that it becomes really obvious that it matters, you know?

For example, she'll make a joke about how I would have never given her a second glance if we were both still at school. Or if I mention Daphne, it'll be really apparent that it makes her uncomfortable.

Re: Private Message to Draco

[alt_justin]

Do you think it's the blood purity or is that merely an excuse for other insecurities?

-J

Re: Private Message to Draco

[alt_draco]

Does it matter? Either way it's a problem.

Re: Private Message to Draco

[alt_justin]

It's not easy, is it, to move on. I'm sorry, old chap.

-J

Re: Private Message to Draco

[alt_draco]

I'm trying. And I like Sarah, I do. She's witty and sweet and has this cute half-smile thing that she does. We have fun together, most of the time.

But yeah.

Re: Private Message to Draco

[alt_justin]

Does Hermione make it clear that your purity doesn't matter to her?

It can't help that you're such close friends and spend so much time together. Distance makes a difference, what, but you and Hermione haven't exactly taken that route.

I say, she's seeing Clark, isn't she? Have you any sense of whether their relationship is solid or just as problematic as yours with Sarah?

-J

Re: Private Message to Draco

[alt_draco]

What? Oh, that - it never comes up. I mean, not in a personal way. Not at all. Everything we went through together completely erased all of that.

I've thought of that, yeah. Spending more time apart would make a difference, and we do, sometimes. She'll go see Tim and I'll go see Sarah. But then she once told me that if I ever needed her for anything, she'd leave Sherwood straight away. I'd do the same for her. So it can't really be called a typical friendship.

Their relationship reminds me of what you'd see from most of our school set. Lots and lots of snogging and groping, I'd wager, a little chatting now and then. I think she's definitely enjoying herself but it doesn't come across as... particularly meaningful, you know? Though I'm not in a neutral position to judge.

Re: Private Message to Draco

[alt_justin]

That's a start, I suppose. Thinking of you as equal, it means she isn't intimidated and sees you as yourself, not by a label, what.

It doesn't mean she'll ever necessarily turn round and think of you romantically, sad to say. But perhaps what she needs is something that isn't deep and meaningful, what. So that she can leave it behind if she needs to do.

-J

Re: Private Message to Draco

[alt_draco]

Intimidated by me? Ha, that's a right laugh. She's really, really not. Oh, and the bit about leaving Sherwood if I needed her, it's not about serving me or some nonsense. It's - well, hard to explain, to someone who wasn't there. Who didn't go through what we did.

I don't believe that she will ever think of me romantically, no. And I wouldn't want her to do so just because we experienced an enormous trauma together. We're not even leaning on each other like we once were and that's good.

Sometimes when I'm with Sarah I don't even think about Hermione.

But I know who I think about when I'm just by myself, and most of the time, it isn't Sarah.

I don't know. Maybe if I just give it time, someday things will be different.