Order Only Private message to Daphs
May. 2nd, 2015 08:26 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
alt_dracoI've thought about keeping my mouth shut and my nose out of it, because I realise that at a fundamental level its none of my business, but you're also my friend, at a fundamental level, and I want you to know that you deserve more than Barty Crouch, Jr. And you definitely deserve more than the hurt that's inevitable now that you've yolked your life to his and given your heart away.
I know about that hurt because of my parents - who treated me with adoration despite their beliefs and, in the case of my father, actions elsewhere in the Protectorate. They hurt me by never giving me what I really needed: the freedom to go my own way, and protection from the mad whims of Voldemort. In turn I've hurt them with my ingratitude and unwillingness to conform to their beliefs. Meanwhile we all still care about each other, more or less, and have to muddle along and ignore our differences.
Crouch is probably not one to make such compromises, and when I say that you being hurt is inevitable I mean that either he will be killed (by Voldemort, or one of us) and you will grieve, or he will hurt you more directly, or you will be forced to betray him and leave him behind, or any other number of possibilities. What I'm saying is that your bliss comes with a countdown. You have to know that, right? Because knowing it on some intuitive level isn't the same as knowing it openly and honestly.
I hope you will at least commit to the inevitable outcome before you commit to him.
Because I'll hex myself and the rest of the Order when something hurts you and everyone sits around after the fact and says "Oh, I wish there's something we could have said or done." So this is me saying and doing.
And yeah, it's no secret I detest the man, but even from an objective stance he's a horrific human being. But I know how that bit goes, too - my father has done horrific things, and even now I can't bring myself to write that he's a "horrific human being" because I know he has qualities that go beyond that. But those qualities don't erase the horrific things that he's done and I have to accept that. Have accepted that.
Just the other night Hermione asked me how I would feel if, after this is all over, they decided to execute my father for his crimes. The only answer I could come up with was "helpless."
I don't want you to feel that, Daphs.
So even if Crouch treats you like a Queen, he still murders others - and not just on order, like Hydra, Justin and Ron have, but for fun and sport, too. And to the decent person like you or like me, that contradiction causes a discomfort that can't be ignored. You might be able to repress it for a little while, but in the long run it will make itself known.
If you decide to leave him now, it will hurt tremendously, I'm sure. But you would recover. There's still chance of that now. Later, there might not be.
Think about allowing yourself that chance.
I know about that hurt because of my parents - who treated me with adoration despite their beliefs and, in the case of my father, actions elsewhere in the Protectorate. They hurt me by never giving me what I really needed: the freedom to go my own way, and protection from the mad whims of Voldemort. In turn I've hurt them with my ingratitude and unwillingness to conform to their beliefs. Meanwhile we all still care about each other, more or less, and have to muddle along and ignore our differences.
Crouch is probably not one to make such compromises, and when I say that you being hurt is inevitable I mean that either he will be killed (by Voldemort, or one of us) and you will grieve, or he will hurt you more directly, or you will be forced to betray him and leave him behind, or any other number of possibilities. What I'm saying is that your bliss comes with a countdown. You have to know that, right? Because knowing it on some intuitive level isn't the same as knowing it openly and honestly.
I hope you will at least commit to the inevitable outcome before you commit to him.
Because I'll hex myself and the rest of the Order when something hurts you and everyone sits around after the fact and says "Oh, I wish there's something we could have said or done." So this is me saying and doing.
And yeah, it's no secret I detest the man, but even from an objective stance he's a horrific human being. But I know how that bit goes, too - my father has done horrific things, and even now I can't bring myself to write that he's a "horrific human being" because I know he has qualities that go beyond that. But those qualities don't erase the horrific things that he's done and I have to accept that. Have accepted that.
Just the other night Hermione asked me how I would feel if, after this is all over, they decided to execute my father for his crimes. The only answer I could come up with was "helpless."
I don't want you to feel that, Daphs.
So even if Crouch treats you like a Queen, he still murders others - and not just on order, like Hydra, Justin and Ron have, but for fun and sport, too. And to the decent person like you or like me, that contradiction causes a discomfort that can't be ignored. You might be able to repress it for a little while, but in the long run it will make itself known.
If you decide to leave him now, it will hurt tremendously, I'm sure. But you would recover. There's still chance of that now. Later, there might not be.
Think about allowing yourself that chance.
no subject
Date: 2015-05-02 04:07 pm (UTC)The rest of the time I'll just be Daphne.