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alt_dracoI saw my father last night.
I wouldn't declare it a triumphant reunion, but it wasn't a complete disaster, either. Being in Azkaban has dampened his spirits significantly, no surprise there, and he seemed somewhat out of sorts at times. Definitely not his usual handsome self, either.
It started off slow, I guess. He appeared to expect some kind of explanation from me, which at one time I would have completely understood, but now, not so much. Because I no longer feel I've done anything wrong, anything that I need to answer for. One of the first things he asked me was what "they said" to turn me. I told him that no one said anything, that it was a process that unfolded over a number of years, and that growing up with a box seat to Protectorate happenings had a good deal to do with it. That and the fact that all the people I was supposed to admire and look up to (the Carrows, Auntie Bella, Crouch, Tom Riddle - all the great leaders of the Protectorate) had done nothing but hurt me and the people I cared about.
He was surprised to hear the name Tom Riddle, that's for certain. I didn't tell him that we know far more about Tom Riddle by now than either he or any council member does.
From there he launched into a story about how he realised a while back that Voldemort's style of governing wouldn't work in the long term, and that he'd had a plan all along for us (he, me, and my mother, I guess) to learn Voldemort's secret to invulnerability, become invulnerable ourselves, and boot him out of power. He thought if I stuck close to you, Harry, that Voldemort would deem me valuable - indispensable, even - thus allowing us enough proximity to uncover a way to immortality.
Yeah, and then he said we were doomed because his plan was the only thing that could ever work. Can you believe that? Like I said - completely out of sorts.
Apparently my father's convinced that becoming as powerful and invulnerable as Voldemort is the only way to unseat him. I told him (minus the details) that the Order had already determined a way to rob Voldemort of everything that made him invulnerable and immortal, and he kept insisting that Voldemort would find out what we were doing and stop us. I told him that we'd already made progress without Voldemort finding out, and he replied that we'd only been lucky.
And then he had a bit of a breakdown and said that if I'd only returned after my "kidnapping" then his plan would have worked, but now Voldemort will kill Mother while I'm off on my fool's errand. He even seemed to think that I could somehow be welcomed back into the fold if Harry saw fit to forgive me and, I don't know, declare me rehabilitated, or some such.
I told him there was no possibility of me going back. He brought you up then, Hermione. And said surely I hadn't been the one to teach you magic, that it had to be Harry, because he'd always been too soft. I told him that neither of us taught you - that it was Minerva.
Then I said that I wished I were the sort of person who would have turned and joined a rebel organisation all on my own, but I was dragged along with my heels dug in.
Seems my father was always worried you'd soften me up, Harry. Even when we were both kids. Because he saw that you influenced me more than the other way around. I suppose he meant this as some kind of character weakness, on my part, but I told him that the reason you were able to influence me was because you were always right. And that I'd chosen who I was throwing my lot in with and that was that.
It was utterly surreal, in a way - admitting everything to him, more or less. Not to throw it in his face, or to upset him, but just because it was the truth.
And then he retorted that "my lot" was halfbreeds, mudbloods, and blood traitors. Because that sort of thinking is one of the few things he has left. I pointed out that bloody Tom Riddle himself is a halfblood, and that his words and categories are just inventions with no real meaning, and he countered that Voldemort is the Heir of Slytherin, and that he at least had the sense to feel shame for his muggle heritage and embrace his magical birthright.
I told him that in the Protectorate, even purebloods are dispensable, and he only need look at himself to see that. To that he sort of sighed, and said that he supposed I needed him to be a villain right now.
I was pretty tired by that point, so I just said that he wasn't a villain to me, but that he definitely is to others.
And then I told him that even if he's not a villain, he's still wrong. But that I wish he weren't.
So that's where the conversation ended, pretty much. I told him that I would try to come and see him in Saltash. I think he was relieved when I said that. I think he didn't want to have to ask. So that's one thing Azkaban didn't get - his pride, I mean.
I wouldn't declare it a triumphant reunion, but it wasn't a complete disaster, either. Being in Azkaban has dampened his spirits significantly, no surprise there, and he seemed somewhat out of sorts at times. Definitely not his usual handsome self, either.
It started off slow, I guess. He appeared to expect some kind of explanation from me, which at one time I would have completely understood, but now, not so much. Because I no longer feel I've done anything wrong, anything that I need to answer for. One of the first things he asked me was what "they said" to turn me. I told him that no one said anything, that it was a process that unfolded over a number of years, and that growing up with a box seat to Protectorate happenings had a good deal to do with it. That and the fact that all the people I was supposed to admire and look up to (the Carrows, Auntie Bella, Crouch, Tom Riddle - all the great leaders of the Protectorate) had done nothing but hurt me and the people I cared about.
He was surprised to hear the name Tom Riddle, that's for certain. I didn't tell him that we know far more about Tom Riddle by now than either he or any council member does.
From there he launched into a story about how he realised a while back that Voldemort's style of governing wouldn't work in the long term, and that he'd had a plan all along for us (he, me, and my mother, I guess) to learn Voldemort's secret to invulnerability, become invulnerable ourselves, and boot him out of power. He thought if I stuck close to you, Harry, that Voldemort would deem me valuable - indispensable, even - thus allowing us enough proximity to uncover a way to immortality.
Yeah, and then he said we were doomed because his plan was the only thing that could ever work. Can you believe that? Like I said - completely out of sorts.
Apparently my father's convinced that becoming as powerful and invulnerable as Voldemort is the only way to unseat him. I told him (minus the details) that the Order had already determined a way to rob Voldemort of everything that made him invulnerable and immortal, and he kept insisting that Voldemort would find out what we were doing and stop us. I told him that we'd already made progress without Voldemort finding out, and he replied that we'd only been lucky.
And then he had a bit of a breakdown and said that if I'd only returned after my "kidnapping" then his plan would have worked, but now Voldemort will kill Mother while I'm off on my fool's errand. He even seemed to think that I could somehow be welcomed back into the fold if Harry saw fit to forgive me and, I don't know, declare me rehabilitated, or some such.
I told him there was no possibility of me going back. He brought you up then, Hermione. And said surely I hadn't been the one to teach you magic, that it had to be Harry, because he'd always been too soft. I told him that neither of us taught you - that it was Minerva.
Then I said that I wished I were the sort of person who would have turned and joined a rebel organisation all on my own, but I was dragged along with my heels dug in.
Seems my father was always worried you'd soften me up, Harry. Even when we were both kids. Because he saw that you influenced me more than the other way around. I suppose he meant this as some kind of character weakness, on my part, but I told him that the reason you were able to influence me was because you were always right. And that I'd chosen who I was throwing my lot in with and that was that.
It was utterly surreal, in a way - admitting everything to him, more or less. Not to throw it in his face, or to upset him, but just because it was the truth.
And then he retorted that "my lot" was halfbreeds, mudbloods, and blood traitors. Because that sort of thinking is one of the few things he has left. I pointed out that bloody Tom Riddle himself is a halfblood, and that his words and categories are just inventions with no real meaning, and he countered that Voldemort is the Heir of Slytherin, and that he at least had the sense to feel shame for his muggle heritage and embrace his magical birthright.
I told him that in the Protectorate, even purebloods are dispensable, and he only need look at himself to see that. To that he sort of sighed, and said that he supposed I needed him to be a villain right now.
I was pretty tired by that point, so I just said that he wasn't a villain to me, but that he definitely is to others.
And then I told him that even if he's not a villain, he's still wrong. But that I wish he weren't.
So that's where the conversation ended, pretty much. I told him that I would try to come and see him in Saltash. I think he was relieved when I said that. I think he didn't want to have to ask. So that's one thing Azkaban didn't get - his pride, I mean.
