I Solemnly Swear I Am Up to No Good - Private message to Sally Anne

[alt_draco]

Look - I've been thinking about it and I don't even know how you jumped to the conclusions you jumped to, the other day.

It's important for me to know what happened to make you believe I had feelings for Hermione. So if you can specify that for me, I'd appreciate it.

Also, I know how tight you are with Pansy and Weasley, and always have been, since the beginning of this lock. I would also appreciate you not sharing your speculations with them, however tempting it might be.

Comments

[alt_sally_anne]

Of course I won't say anything to Pansy or Ron. Do you really I mean, even if there were something to tell, which of course there isn't. If you actually started seeing someone and Pansy didn't know I would probably tell her that, because it's always better to find out things like that when you have a little privacy, before you run into the happy couple at a party. (Not that she wouldn't be happy for you if you found someone who made you happy. She'd just want to feel anything other than good wishes somewhere private.)

And obviously that's not going to come up.

[alt_draco]

I'm seeing Daphne, of course, and as far as most others know, we're utterly meant for each other.

Thank you, though, for ensuring your discretion.

[alt_sally_anne]

Right, but she knows about that.

[alt_sally_anne]

Anyway. You sounded very protective of Hermione yesterday. The adults are always protective of her (well, in some ways! it didn't mean they pulled her out and sent her to Moddey when they could have, but having made that decision they've second-guessed themselves ever since) but you know the rest of the ISS aren't, really, we would certainly say 'be careful' but we wouldn't say 'let someone else do this' because she's really GOOD at everything, as you know perfectly well.

And then I realised you PM her an awful lot. And when you talk ABOUT Hermione you clearly admire her, a lot, although when you talk TO her, you usually sound cross.

Don't worry, though, it's nothing you've ever done in person and I can't imagine that anyone else would guess have that sort of thought, honestly, especially if they aren't on the journal locks and just know the person you pretend to be to most of the world.

[alt_draco]

She may be really good at everything, but that doesn't mean Hydra ought to have chosen her to tag along to the meeting with Bellatrix. If she'd been caught, consequences would be much worse for Hermione than someone like me. Might it be that my concern for Hermione's well-being seems foreign and strange, because of the way I grew up, and because of my previously held beliefs?

Though I agree that expressing doubt that Hermione could handle the situation was probably an insult to her capabilities.

I sound cross with a lot of people. That's not new. SHE always sounds cross with me, too, if you've noticed.

Right. Good. That's what I need to know - that no one else would ever make such an accusation against me, not ever.

[alt_sally_anne]

You sound different with Hermione, though. I mean you always sound cross but you don't sound disdainful. With everyone else, you sound like you're thinking, 'if you weren't such an idiot you'd know I was right' and with Hermione you sound like you're thinking, 'you're utterly brilliant so you ought to understand why I'm right.'

[alt_draco]

Oh.

[alt_draco]

Alright.

That's an extremely subtle distinction to pick up on, and if it exists it bothers me; mostly because I never noticed it.

I'd still like to know how very faintly projecting admiration for one's brilliance equals "having feelings" for them, though.

[alt_sally_anne]

Well clearly I was imagining things and I'll try not to do it again.

[alt_draco]

Oh, stop. I'm not going to treat you as if you're an idiot.

Look. There are things you don't say out-loud, ever, because they are dangerous. They are dangerous to write about, to think about. Because they can't ever, ever be. So don't worry about what my feelings are or are not - they won't ever be acted on.

But if I'm going to be on the council, any indication that I have anything beyond absolute disdain for mudbloods could be the difference between life or death for me, for her, for any one of us. So if there are any cracks showing that I don't see because of my own blind spots, I need someone to tell me about them.

[alt_sally_anne]

Okay.

The only reason I noticed anything was because of the journals because that's where the two of you can talk to each other. In person -- well, when you're in public you never look at her. A lot of others do -- I mean, they look at her like she's something stuck to the bottom of their shoe, or they'll wrinkle up their nose like she smells bad, but they acknowledge she's there, and most of the time you just act like she isn't, which is fine, I think it's safest. I mostly don't look at Hermione when we're in public because I'm afraid if our eyes met, I might give something away. And plenty of other people don't look at her unless they have to, so that doesn't stand out.

Obviously in private things are different.

[alt_draco]

Obviously. It's not as if I can not look at her when we're all sitting 'round Auntie Walburga's museum of the macabre and bizarre.

So how's it different, then? How am I different.

[alt_sally_anne]

When we're somewhere safe like the Hidden Room or your Auntie Walburga's museum, you look at her a little more intently than you look at anyone else. And you have this tendency to touch your hair. When you're talking to her, I mean. Patting it into place and combing your fingers through.

Girls will do that on purpose to flirt, sometimes. Play with their hair while they're talking to a boy they like. I don't know if boys actually notice that or not. (It usually goes along with stuff like giggling and making eye contact and then looking down and then looking back, and standing a little closer than people do normally. Obviously you don't do any of THAT.)

Look, I'm serious when I say no one else would ever notice any of this. I've spent years and years watching people in the Slytherin common room so I know whose way to stay out of and all the rest. Most people don't bother. I mean, watch out for Megan Jones, but she's unlikely to ever see you and Hermione chatting in the Hidden Room. You know? (Also, she watches people really closely same as I do and for the same reasons but I think she puts less of it together.)

[alt_draco]

Right. Jones, she almost beat me at AK, back in first.

No one was supposed to notice anything, Sally Anne. And someone did - you.

It's alright. I'll get rid of it.

[alt_sally_anne]

You'll get rid of what, the way you feel?

[alt_draco]

Correct.

[alt_sally_anne]

Oh, Draco.

Good luck with that.

I mean. If anyone can, it's probably you.