Order Only - Private message to Hermione

[alt_draco]

I thought you should know that Teddy commented on your "unusually bright" demeanor today, even going so far as to suggest that Raz must have accidentally smiled at you when he passed you in the corridors. I told him that Harry had leant you out to Madam Pince to repair books, and that the glue must have addled your head.

I don't have to tell you that you're lucky that he made his observations to me, and not to Blaise or Vince or someone else who would have encouraged his speculations. His macabre sort of intrigue in you doesn't seem to have waned despite Harry's interference - who knows, knowing Teddy, it might have even made it even stronger.

Comments

[alt_hermione]

I know, I know! I've been trying to remember not to look so content but then I forget and I don't notice that I'm grinning until I feel someone looking at me.

I thought it'd be better today. I'm sure it will fade, especially when Mr Snape sets me to some of the potions in the book he gave me yesterday.

[alt_draco]

You might be sure that it will fade, but I can't say that I'm convinced. And Teddy's probably harder to convince than I am.

I can't imagine what has you acting so stupid, anyway. Or maybe Teddy's right and Raz did give you a wink, eh?

[alt_hermione]

Ew! I told you, I only told Teddy that to put him off.

Anyway, you know Mr Snape's had me working on brewing Mr Lupin's Wolfsbane potion, well, this week I prepared it properly--well, acceptably, he said--and then yesterday he gave me a potions journal. It was the journeyman's journal that belonged to someone named Harrald Candelwycke and he wrote it back in 1874. Mr Snape's made all sorts of notes in it and he said it's the traditional gift given 'in the latter stages of one's apprenticeship'--he said he'd have given me his own journeyman's journal but that was sadly impossible, but that he wanted me to start looking it over because soon he'll be expecting me to be able to comment on the potions it contains and...and to keep one of my own.

[alt_draco]

Oh, right, you don't fancy those "sporting" types.

He gave you a gift? He doesn't seem the type for fuss and pomp.

And brewing Wolfsbane is quite an achievement, and you deserve accolades after all your hard work. But really, you've got to stop... glowing.

It's very noticeable.

[alt_hermione]

I don't think it was all that fussy, truly. It's more that...well, really any expression of approval from Mr Snape is a real accomplishment, you know, and anyway, the really significant thing was that he basically said that he thinks I'm moving along nicely in apprenticeship toward journeyman level. Which I never ever thought was even on the horizon.

It felt a little bit like when Harry freed me, only instead of making it the way things should have been from the start, this felt more like...well, like when Sally-Anne and Justin got their O.W.L. marks, I imagine, and knew that they'd be all right. Only...more. I mean, imagine if you never knew you had the ability to fly, even though everyone else you know could do it. And then one day...you fly. It was sort of like that.

So, yes, I'm trying not to--to glow. It's just hard to remember not to do.

[alt_draco]

Yes, I know. He doesn't distribute compliments unless they are well-earned.

Sorry, I can't imagine any of that. I've always been told that I can make something of myself - even more, that I had better make sure that I do, and do it well. I mean, I can imagine it. It's not as if I'm lacking in imagination... it's just - you're probably glad that Terry's nearby now, I reckon. Because he doesn't have to imagine any of that.

[alt_hermione]

Oh, well, yes, it was wonderful to talk to Terry the other night. We hardly seem to see each other anymore, and it's so easy to talk to him about things.

And yes, I expect he felt the same way when he managed the Animagus transformation, probably more, because he had all those years of Carrow (may he rot) telling him how he was nothing, and beating him and being horrid, so proving to himself that he can do really amazing, advanced magic must have been extremely vindicating.

I'm sure I won't ever manage the transformation but somehow it meant even more to me that Mr Snape was...was proud of my progress. Maybe because, like you say, his compliments are hard to earn. It automatically makes one feel proud of oneself, doesn't it?

[alt_draco]

Killing Carrow probably felt even more vindicating. Not that I'd ever bring it up with him.

Sometimes I wonder what I would be like if you hadn't been given to Harry.

Sorry, that's probably an odd thing to say. But I probably wouldn't be like I am now, would I? It's peculiar to think about. I guess that's the sort of thing I imagine, though - when I bother with imagining and wondering.

Not that I'm meant to give in to flights of fancy and what not. It can lead to hesitation, Snape says. I can't afford hesitation.

[alt_hermione]

It wasn't just because I was around, though. Don't you think you started to change after Dennis?

And anyway, you might as well ask if you'd have been different if you hadn't grown up with Harry.

For what it's worth, I think you're far better off as you are--eyes open, I mean, to the Protectorate and how cruel and mad the Lord Protector is.

[alt_draco]

No, that's true of course. Dennis and Harry, they matter, too. And others, no doubt.

It's worth a lot, actually. And I think you're probably right.

[alt_hermione]

Oh, and like I told Terry, if I can continue brewing the Wolfsbane properly each month, that will mean Mr Snape has more time for more experimental things, things he hasn't had time to really concentrate on because the monthly potion and other supplies have taken priority always, so it's also really, really good to know that I'm being a help to him--and to Mr Lupin, of course!--and that way maybe he'll make better progress.