Order Only

[alt_draco]

Our sponsors have been rather quiet this week - no word of a new challenge since the leg-locker curse.

I imagine they're taking their time to think of something truly limit-testing this go, after those first two relatively easy tasks.

But then they could be a bunch of unimaginative sods, too.

I'm bracing myself for both. Probably at the weekend, since I doubt they want to give us too much time off. I did get an owl from Ned, more or less telling me that I was on a good track, but that I shouldn't hold back or bide my time. The concept of subtlety is lost on him, it would seem, which isn't a surprise given that he used to be Crouch's secretary.

And - well, you might as well know the rest of it. He reminded me that because of my Father, my "position" wasn't as assured as it would have been, once upon a time.

I'm sure it will bring a smile to some of your faces to hear that bit.

At any rate, I think he's wrong. I don't believe it would do to look desperate, or as if I were dwelling on Father's situation. All of this is what I was meant for - that's what I aim to project. It is, after all, what comes naturally. I am the person the Lord Protector needs, the one that my Father couldn't be.

But this has got to look well ridiculous to those of you on the spectator end of this. You should all start a pool on who's going to make top third. Put it up on a big banner somewhere public to make everyone feel itchy. Put Teddy at the top and maybe he'll stop being such a sadistic arse - though who knows, that might make it worse.

Comments

[alt_hermione]

It's not funny.

I mean, you know that regardless of what he's like as a father to you or an uncle to Harry or Pansy, Mr Malfoy's still one of the chief architects of the Protectorate. So knowing that he's in an unstable position is good news in a way--but not if it means that the whole Council is destabilising. If the Mulcibers take over then in some ways it'd be as bad as if the Carrows had been in charge. So that part's not good.

And it's not good that you have to jump through all these ridiculous hoops to make Voldemort think you're keen to take the Mark. Especially compared to Nott.

But if you think all the Order members are sitting about, sniggering because you're upset, then you're wrong.

[alt_draco]

All of the Order? I thought I was included in this esteemed institution.

But let's not pretend that anyone held back their opinions about my Father before they knew that I could read it (and indeed, why should they have?). Or opinions about me, for that matter. I can only imagine what still goes on in private messages. I'm not upset, merely reminding everyone that I know well what they are thinking and that they ought not bother hiding it anymore.

So, everyone: don't hide it. You think my Father ought to be hanged like Strangeweale? Say so. I don't care. You have your reasons, just as I have my reasons for very much wanting him to not be hanged.

[alt_hermione]

I meant--oh, for goodness sakes, you know what I meant. I meant everyone at Doughty and Moddey and Sherwood.

Anyway, no, we've not held back our opinions. We didn't on the ISS lock, either. And for the most part, I think people have been fair--not always tactful, of course, but fair--given the information we've had. If you have different information, you might offer it.

As for your father, no, I don't want him hanged. At least, I don't think I do. But I do think he'll have to answer for all the things he's done, and that means things even before any of us were born, right up to Ireland last year, and everything in between.

But no one's saying it's easy for you, either.

[alt_draco]

I don't have any information, just experience. He is my father, after all.

I know he'll have to answer for what he's done.

Anyway, despite how it may appear I don't particularly want to discuss the issue at length.

Private message to Hermione

[alt_draco]

I never told you or Harry, but Mrs Weasley sent me this private message, months ago, all about how sorry she was for rubbishing my father all over the Order Only journals, and how she really didn't like him, he made things so hard for her, etc., but that she wanted to be more fair to me and would stop trying to rubbish him so much. It was awkward and vaguely insulting and I never responded to it. But apparently it hasn't really left my mind.

I'll try to stop, alright? I'm really not upset, not so much.

Re: Private message to Hermione

[alt_hermione]

Oh.

Well, I'm sure whatever she said, she meant well.

But that's the thing about Weasleys, have you noticed? Bill sometimes says things and you can just tell that he thinks he's perfectly reasonable but it just comes out so awkward and wrong and not at all how he intended.

And Mr Weasley, well, you never really knew him but he was better than Bill or Mrs Weasley but he'd still occasionally say something about Muggles that was really odd. But he wasn't ever cruel about it, either.

Anyway. I'm sure everyone's well aware that you and Pansy and Hydra are in well awkward positions. And Harry, too, I mean, Mr Malfoy raised him as much as he did you.


Do you have any ideas about what to do when they make you do something terrible? Because you know they will do.

Re: Private message to Hermione

[alt_draco]

Yes, of course they will make me do something terrible, probably several somethings. Whether it's part of this initiation or later on.

I've been talking to Mr Snape about that. What he said was revealing. And.. very to the point, very blunt. Which I appreciate.

Re: Private message to Hermione

[alt_hermione]

Well, yes, of course they will. And I know you'll do whatever it takes.

I mean, I know some of the others are hoping they can maybe avoid the worst.

But that's never going to work, not if you're determined to be chosen.

And look. Sooner or later, someone's going to make you do something to me. Because I'm the only mudblood in the school, so it's obviously going to happen. So.

I know Harry won't like it one bit but he has to learn not to protect me when it comes to this kind of thing. For his own good. So, when it happens, it's all right.

Re: Private message to Hermione

[alt_draco]

What
No, I didn't

He told me that I would be expected to maim, torture, and kill, all without mercy or hesitation. And that when the opportunity for mercy presented itself, I'd have to weigh mercy against possible exposure before making my decision. And that I'd only have seconds to do so.

I'll have to do all of that while guarding my true thoughts. I'll have to do it while remembering that I can't let the masquerade become the real me.

I'm the one best positioned to do this, though. He's said so himself. But it won't be easy.

So you're right, I will have to do something to you, one day. And I won't hesitate to do what needs to be done.

Private message to Snape

[alt_draco]

Sir -

You might have noticed that I sent a private message to Hermione, above. We were discussing what I would need to do to end up on the council, and I told her a bit about what you and I discussed. Specifically, what you said about their expectations, and how I must show no hesitation and no mercy.

Hermione also told me that sooner or later, someone will likely make me do something to her, as the only mudblood in the school. Even if she is "Harry's," in the mind of others, she's still only a mudblood.

She said that when that day comes, it's all right. To do to her what I must. And I told her that I wouldn't hesitate.

I suspect my conviction is not as strong as it ought to be, though. Maybe this is something we can work on, next time we meet.

Re: Private message to Snape

[alt_severus]

You do not have the luxury of doubt. Nor do the simpering do-gooders who comprise the Order fully understand that you do not have much luxury of choice, beyond the choice to walk away completely and go into hiding — although that is your choice, and one I will argue for, should it be a choice you make in future.

That having been said, there are methods by which you might possibly postpone your ascension to the Dark Lord's fuller acquaintance, should you require more time to set your conviction more fully. I cannot say for certain what methods might be used — and, after all, my own attempts at such manipulation failed miserably, with predictable consequence — but you ought not dwell too closely on the sense of time running out. For others in this competition, this might be their only opportunity to win the Dark Lord's favour. You have slightly more options open to you.

Miss Granger is correct that she is a potential target, and knowing that she 'belongs' to Mr Potter, and of the friendship you and Mr Potter cherish, is likely to make her more a candidate for ordering you to abuse. I am not surprised that she is able to see such a future; she possesses a finely-refined clarity of insight. It is wise to prepare yourself in advance for such an eventuality.

We will speak further of this tomorrow.

Private Message to Draco Malfoy

[alt_alice]

First of all, I trust your instincts here regarding your strategy for getting noticed in a positive way by the council. From what I've read so far, it's obvious that you and Harry both have things in hand (as much as you can under these circumstances) and that you have a unique understanding of the dynamics of the situation. You proceed here how you see fit, and know that I support your decisions.

Secondly -- I know that you are in an incredibly difficult position, Draco. And there's no easy way to navigate it.

I see joining the Order as a twofold process. You have pledged to help us in our mission to overthrow the Protectorate. But we have a responsibility to you, in turn. I respect that pledge, and I respect the person who made it. I will not ask you to needlessly sacrifice yourself, or take great risk without adequate reason, I will try my best to make sure you have a say in how we move forward, and I will not ask you to stop caring for your parents.

I'll admit, Lucius Malfoy's current struggles are inconvenient to the Order, as he's a consistently predictable presence on the council, provides support to Minerva, and often serves as a moderating voice from my admittedly limited perspective. Your ability to use his connections to your and our advantage, and gain information and insight through your relationship with him are also inherently valuable. But beyond that assessment, I understand that he is your father.

I often think about the future, and what it will look like. The hard truth is that if we were to seek justice for all the wrongs that have been done here, our people would be wiped from the face of the earth. We are all guilty in varying degrees of perpetuating great injustice, and are collectively the cause of great suffering. Every camp administrator and file-clerk and overseer, every witch or wizard who's taken advantage of power, every family who owns a servant, everyone who sits back and bemoans the current state of things but does nothing, the list goes on and on. And blood is on all our hands.

Needless to say, one of the things I believe we will have to do in order to be able to survive and move forward is to face this future with forgiveness and atonement in our hearts rather than a thirst for vengeance and punishment, because that thirst will never be fully quenched. I cannot promise that we will have enough of a say in this future to make a difference, and Merlin knows that a time of war has its own rules (or lack thereof), but know that I have had my fill of hanging.

I do not expect you to feel obligated to reply, but I am listening, Draco. I trust Severus implicitly and fully, and I am pleased that you are working with him.

Re: Private Message to Draco Malfoy

[alt_draco]

That's what I was thinking about, point of fact. That as easy as it is to blame the council wizards or MLE for what the Protectorate is, it's really the ordinary witch and wizard who allowed it to happen, who stood by and accepted the changes without question. Was it because they were afraid? Or was it because a part of them was rather enchanted with the idea of a nation where wizards and witches were superiour, where they would no longer have to hide from muggles? I think more people feel the latter than any of the Order realise, even if those same people don't actively enjoy torturing mudbloods and such.

So in that regard, it won't ever be like it was before.

But I've decided to stop thinking about those big picture, long-term questions. The future doesn't really matter, especially when you might not live to see it.

Anyway, you need not express sympathy for the difficult position I'm in. I don't mind it - it's what I want. It's what I know I can do.

Re: Private Message to Draco Malfoy

[alt_alice]

The inaction of ordinary people has led to a great many evils in this world.

I wonder sometimes if we can depend on that complacency -- that those who won't join us will sit back and let us do our work without getting in the way. You're right to think that if people feel as if their freedoms are threatened, they'd respond with defensiveness (and in addition, no-one particularly enjoys coming to terms with their guilt). I think one key might be to show that any perceptions of freedom and safety are illusions at best, and that this false paradise comes at too high a price.

This future does have a great many unknowns. If you do survive to see it, though, you'll have a chance to help write it, Merlin willing.

And I know sympathy isn't terribly useful to you at the moment, but I do want you to know that I will try my best to honour the sacrifices you're willing to make, and make them worth the price you'll pay.

We look out for our own, Draco. That includes you. And although there might be difficult decisions to make along the way when it comes to your parents, I will try my hardest to make certain that you are a part of that decision-making process, and that we attempt to accomplish what must be done in a way that respects your wishes.