Order Only - Private message to Hydra

[alt_draco]

Well then?

I know you've spoken to her by now, I saw your private message go up.

I don't want you to betray her confidence in any way. I just want to know that she's alright.

Comments

[alt_hydra]

Yes, of course she's fine. Having a boy fancy you never hurt a girl - well, unless the boy is someone awful like Teddy. It just creates complications. I don't think Hermione has ever thought much about relationships or whether or not she, herself, is fanciable to that many people, and she certainly never thought she'd be fanciable to you. It's thrown her for a bit of a loop, you see.

But anyway, would you rather talk about this at Tea Appreciation? I'm starting to see why Mummy never uses the journals. Having a conversation in writing feels so much less than talking to someone in person, now. Even if I'm not actively trying to legilimise someone I can sense so much in their voice that I couldn't pick up on before.

[alt_draco]

I prefer to discuss it now. She'll be a Tea, for one, and for two, I'd rather not wait.

Don't worry about sparing my feelings, either.

[alt_hydra]

Well. Alright.

She finds it annoying that you're deciding who she gets to talk to about this, by sending me to her (it is rather presumptuous, you know).

As she sees it, you don't really like her. You just like that she's the first muggleborn you've gotten to know, and also that she's clever, and that she never pulls her jinxes on you, and never flatters you the way a lot of other girls do. So she's a challenge and - well, Draco, you do like challenges, yes?

It didn't help that you said things like "It's barking to fancy you" to her. I think I understand what you were getting at but she didn't take it that way. What she must have heard was "It's mad for me, Draco Malfoy, son of Lucius and Narcissa Malfoy, to fancy a lowly mudblood like you, and yet, here I am!"

She may or may not be right about the reasons why you like her, I don't know. Have you thought much about what it is you like about her?

But even if you have, I'm sorry to say that she doesn't feel the same way about you. She likes you sometimes, but you're too sarcastic and entitled. She doesn't really fancy anyone, but if she did he'd be like some of the older Order members, like Sirius or Remus, maybe even Charlie Weasley and Mr Snape.

Also, she can't believe you ever fancied Lavender Brown. And did you, really? Why?

Anyway, she hopes that with enough time, you can maybe go back to being comfortable around each other again, at least.

[alt_draco]

Lavender Brown - what's she got to do with anything? I was eleven. You fancied Professor Slughorn when you were eleven. Did you tell her that? I could have asked Lavender out as many times as I wanted since then and I haven't. She hasn't got an ounce of depth to her; her charm is all on the surface, with little to speak of beneath.

And Sirius and Remus embody her idea of the perfect man, while Snape does, too? I can hardly comprehend that.

Back to being "comfortable" around each other. When was that, I wonder?

I knew she didn't feel the same way, but it's quite a revelation, having it spelled out in such specific detail.

[alt_hydra]

I'm sorry, I'm not trying to make you feel bad about yourself, and I don't think she'd want that, either. We both think you're too hard on yourself, sometimes, even though you don't like to show that you are. Isn't that why you're so sarcastic?

I don't know, Draco. Maybe you could have just... lived peacefully with your feelings. Instead of fighting them. I don't mean that you should have pursued her, but just accepted your attraction and fondness. Because the fact that you fight those feelings away, well, it says that you see love as something that will make you weak or hold you back, rather than something that will make you stronger. I mean, you told me yourself that love makes people weak. Isn't that what you meant?

[alt_draco]

Isn't that why you ended things with F-F?

[alt_hydra]

No, that wasn't why at all. And I didn't end things, we decided together.

You're sort of proving my point right now. About the sarcasm.

[alt_draco]

For the record - and you can pass this along or not, I don't care - I do accept my feelings for what they are, and the only reason I've tried so hard to rid myself of them is because facing the disappointing reality of what can never be is just one more unbearable thing that adds to the load we all carry, every day, and sometimes I don't know if I can endure it. And now that burden's been put on her, too. I hope she can forget about what I told her. I can't - but it sounds as if she, perhaps, can.

[alt_hydra]

I wouldn't be too sure of that.

See you at Tea, Draco.